


wings gloriously spread

by janie_tangerine



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chickens, Crack, F/M, I Blame Tumblr, REALLY REALLY CRACK, The Author Regrets Nothing, am I sorry? probably not, covid-19 ridiculousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23497258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janie_tangerine/pseuds/janie_tangerine
Summary: “I have a chicken that escaped her coop and ran away on the road. The police officers on duty laughed and told me to stay home and that they would bring her back. It’s been half an hour and they’re still chasing after her, meanwhile I’m having coffee and watching them and laughing.”Or: in which Cat is the chicken owner and Ned and Robert are the policemen.
Relationships: Catelyn Stark/Ned Stark, Catelyn Tully Stark & Edmure Tully, Robert Baratheon & Ned Stark
Comments: 10
Kudos: 135
Collections: For Catelyn Stark Fans





	wings gloriously spread

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Halja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halja/gifts).



> ... so, I got an ask on tumblr linking to this one story here and the suggestion that it could be spun into _Robert is the officer who laughs at the idea that an escaped chicken could be an actual problem, Ned is his overly dutiful partner who vows to bring the chicken back to the safety of her coop, and Catelyn is the chicken owner who drink coffee while cackling. Years later, Ned will tell his kids, "And that's how I met your mother. Chasing down her chicken during a global pandemic."_ I laughed for a while, then people actually wanted it so I wrote it and... have some crack. No redeeming quality. What it says on the tin ;) ;) 
> 
> Obviously, nothing belongs to me and I'd offer a drink to miss French chicken owner, but sadly I can't /o\

1.

“Miss, could you repeat?” Robert asks into the receiver as Ned puts on his jacket and mask — you would think they would have provided actual _good_ ones for police officers given the circumstances and instead they’re stuck with the one-use kind, fuck Tywin Lannister and the fact that he’s seriously bloody underestimating how bad this situation is getting.

He’s not even paying that much attention to what Robert is saying —

Except that then he bursts out laughing.

“No, no, miss, absolutely,” he wheezes, “I get it, just stay home and I’ll come with my colleague and deal with… the problem. What’s the address? Right, _right_ , we’re coming soon.”

Then he closes the call and bursts out laughing all over again.

“What’s the matter?” Ned asks.

“Oh, you can’t fucking imagine — this lady calls because she can’t leave the house and she needs help — with her _chicken_.”

“Her _chicken_.”

Robert wheezes again. “She has this small farm, the chicken ran away from the coop and it’s apparently running in the middle of the street and she can’t go get it. Oh my _god_ , this is so fucking funny —”

“Robert,” Ned sighs, “what if a car passes by and there’s an accident? We should get there and deal with it, not _laugh_ about it.”

“Right, _right_ ,” Robert says, standing up, “you and your rule-sticking. I mean, it’s a fucking _chicken_ ,” he goes on, “how hard can it be to catch it?”

2.

“Why didn’t you _warn_ them?” Edmure asks, joining Cat at the window of their living room.

“Oh, the tall one seemed so sure it was an easy job,” she replies, calmly sipping her coffee with a smile on her lips, “so I figured I would make him grasp the point.”

Considering that both cops are literally _chasing_ after Chickenrun — fine, _fine_ , Edmure named her when he was _six_ , and they certainly cannot rename her now — who is absolutely giving them the run of their life as she goes all around the field on the other side of the road, Edmure figures Tall Cop did get the point.

“Admittedly,” she says, “the _other_ one has some stamina.”

Edmure tries to look at the shorter cop better — a problem, since they’re on the other side of the street.

“You mean, he hasn’t gotten tired yet?”

“No,” she says. “Maybe I will offer _him_ coffee.”

Edmure has a feeling that his sister _does_ like that one cop.

“Got it,” he says, “I’ll distract the other.”

“I owe you one,” she smiles, high-fiving him.

3.

When _finally_ there’s a knock on the door and Cat opens it, there’s Cute Not Taller Cop on the other side, face covered in sweat and Chickenrun held in his hands, breathing as if he’s just ran a marathon.

“Sorry,” he wheezes, “she — might’ve wore us out.”

“That’s quite all right, officer…”

“Stark,” he blurts, and she thinks he’s _kind_ of blushing… under the already reddened skin on his face. “Ned Stark.”

“Well, _Officer Ned Stark_ , you can bring her back to the coop. _Then_ I would be glad to offer you some coffee, if you’d like.”

“I — uh, yeah, I _would_ like, if it’s not a problem —“

Cat smiles at him. “Then by all means. I’ll be waiting.”

4.

“That’s _not_ how they met,” Robb blurts.

“It _is_ ,” his uncle replies, “and there’s a reason why they don’t want me to tell you _or_ your siblings, so you will kindly keep your mouth shut about _that_.”

“But — it’s just so —”

“Ridiculous? I mean, _your mother_ would be fine with sharing but your father is obviously embarrassed as hell and admittedly it wasn’t a very proud moment for anyone involved except poor Chickenrun, bless her soul.”

“Chasing down a chicken. During _a global pandemic_.”

“Oh, she gave him spare masks because we had a lot, since we were living on a farm.”

“This is the most fucking hilarious thing I’ve ever heard,” Robb laughs, and fine, he won’t say that he knows, but fuck, it’s _golden_.

“So what,” he wheezes, “the chicken was running all over the farm with his wings gloriously spread and they couldn’t just… catch it?”

“Chickenrun had _very_ good stamina,” his uncle shrugs, sounding very pleased with it.

Robb thinks about it and bursts out laughing again.

God, this is _too fucking good_.

How bad could it be if he put it into the play he’s writing for school that’s supposed to be set _during that same pandemic_ which is what they’re studying right now?

He thinks —

He thinks he just might.

End.


End file.
